just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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