he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
