Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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