Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
