At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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