You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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