can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
