4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
