We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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