did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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