ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
