Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
