I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
