So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I supernannyed him into submission
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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