am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
