There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
