I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
