that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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