I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize