Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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