worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
