Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
