Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
