omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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