I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize