as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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