WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize