We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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