instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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