All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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