I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
