I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
