he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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