I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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