yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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