hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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