i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
