I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
