I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
