She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
