9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
