would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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