there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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