i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
