i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
