Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
