Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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