I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish you could order shots online.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
