I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
