I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
