Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
