U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
