he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
