he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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