He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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