There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
