butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
