When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
