Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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