Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
