I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
