I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm having to shit out rocks
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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